“Am I a monster?” he said. “Do I remember birthdays around here?
When a certain individual got athlete’s foot on his groin on a Sunday,
did a certain other individual drive over to Rexall and pick up a
prescription, paying for it with his own personal money?”
That was a nice thing he’d done, but it seemed kind of unprofessional to bring it up now.
“Jeff,” Abnesti said. “What do you want me to say here? Do you want
me to say that your Fridays are at risk? I can easily say that.”
Which was cheap. My Fridays meant a lot to me, and he knew that. Fridays I got to Skype Mom.
“How long do we give you?” Abnesti said.
“Five minutes,” I said.
“How about we make it ten?” Abnesti said. (pàg. 68)
“Jeff,” Abnesti said. “I know you’ve done a lot of work on this with
Mrs. Lacey. On killing and so forth. But this is not you. This is us.”
“It’s not even us,” Verlaine said. “It’s science.”
“The mandates of science,” Abnesti said. “Plus the dictates.”
“Sometimes science sucks,” Verlaine said.
“On the one hand, Jeff,” Abnesti said, “a few minutes of unpleasantness for Heather—”
“Rachel,” Verlaine said. “A few minutes of unpleasantness for Rachel,”
Abnesti said, “years of relief for literally tens of thousands of
underloving or overloving folks.”
“Do the math, Jeff,” Verlaine said.
“Being good in small ways is easy,” Abnesti said. “Doing the huge good things, that’s harder.”
“Drip on?” Verlaine said. “Jeff?”
I did not say “Acknowledge.”
“Fuck it, enough,” Abnesti said.
“Verlaine, what’s the name of that one?
The one where I give him an order and he obeys it?”
“Docilryde™,” Verlaine said.
“Is there Docilryde™ in his Mobi-Pak™?” Abnesti said.
“There’s Docilryde™ in every Mobi-Pak™,” Verlaine said.
“Does he need to say ‘Acknowledge’?” Abnesti said.
“Docilryde™’s a Class C, so—” Verlaine said.
“See, that, to me, makes zero sense,”Abnesti said. “What good’s an obedience drug if we need his permission to use it?”
“We just need a waiver,” Verlaine said.
“How long does that shit take?” Abnesti said.
“We fax Albany, they fax us back,” Verlaine said. “Come on, come on, make haste,”
Abnesti said, and they went out, leaving me alone in the Spiderhead. (pàg. 74)
My only regret was Mom. I hoped someday, in some better place, I’d
get a chance to explain it to her, and maybe she’d be proud of me, one
last time, after all these years.
From across the woods, as if by common accord, birds left their trees
and darted upward. I joined them, flew among them, they did not
recognize me as something apart from them, and I was happy, so happy,
because for the first time in years, and forevermore, I had not killed,
and never would. (pàg. 80)